Consider it Pure Joy

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - REAL REALITY

2012-01-17T17:36:00.002-05:00

It's been a while but I still want to continue to share some of the experiences I've gone through and am going through in the in vitro aftermath and losing the babies. On November 17 my period started and that is therefore the official day that feels like my miscarriage. I knew on November 14 that they were no longer alive but there's nothing like a period to make absolute certain that you know the results. Again, I'll share the raw details from my journal......

November 18

"I started my period last night. It makes me sad to think of their little cells leaving me in just a pile of blood. They just come right out and I don't even know where because I can't see them. I guess that would be more sad to be able to see them but it just makes it all seem like it never really happened, like they never really were alive, even though I saw them in the microscope..........

Despite all the focus of my prayers on Your will being done, it still feels like a punch in the stomach - the results of losing our babies punch me, not You. It's a hollowness God, in my stomach like I've only felt one other time - when we finished our first in vitro cycle and lost the 3 embryos we had implanted. It's a hollowness because there's nothing I can do to change it. I did what I could to allow it to happen, I followed the steps, and Your will has been done. And sometimes Your will hurts deeply to my core. I just really wanted those twins but it doesn't feel like they were ever real, not now at least........

Lord, do they really have to come out of me in some gross pile of blood that gets flushed down the toilet and into a sewer and then, that's that!?! End of life, end of story, time to move on. Really? After 5 years of wondering, 5 years of paying for their little storage unit, 11 months of appointments, 1 surgery, months of hormones and testing....and now they go into a trash can or a toilet. Did you have to design it that way? Because that really hurts. That's my dream literally getting flushed down the toilet and it feels so gross and so final. It's their lives, which were supposed to be beautiful, but now it's gross....just a mess to clean up. It hurts so deeply. It makes me feel like I don't want them to have ever been alive or real because it only makes it hurt worse......."

Sorry for the graphic nature of the journal, but that's the real deal, the real, uncensored emotions and thoughts. So now we have seven babies in heaven, six of which lived inside of me before they went. Six. We decided to name these two since they were so alive in our hearts and since we've had them for 5 years. Cole and Faith.

Cole because it means "victory" and it's Jesus' victory over death that allows him to go to heaven.

Faith because it's "faith", and faith in Christ is what allows any of us to go to heaven.

Faith and Cole

Cole and Faith

Another day. Maybe we'll meet another day.

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - REALITY BEGINS

2011-12-22T00:28:00.002-05:00

I have some wonderful friends here in Dallas and when I asked for someone to watch the kids so that I could have some time to leave our home and be alone to start to process all that the last year has been, I had many quick volunteers -for that I'm very grateful.

I brought my journal and my bible and went to the coffee shop on campus at a time when it's mostly empty. I began my time with this prayer......it's all I could think of (from my journal),

"Lord I ask that You be loving and gentle on my heart. Please show me mercy. If my heart needs to be broken more so that I can see, then please do it in the gentlest of ways and hold it in Your hand to heal and fix and remove and replace what is needed. Please have mercy on me......."

After writing and writing and not even feeling too tearful (very odd for me!) I paused and just started to stare. I don't know how long it was but after several minutes it hit me......

I've always in my heart pictured two......and that is exactly what God gave us to implant - two healthy babies. Secondly, one of the most memorable and strong prayers in my heart for these twins was that they would SHINE THE GLORY OF GOD. Shine. Shine. Shine. I couldn't get it out of my mind. And although I've only written it once on this blog, I prayed that prayer over and over and over as we went through this process over the past several months. And THAT was IT:

They are in Heaven and they are SHINING in God's glory. They are in His presence right now, where they can do nothing BUT SHINE the glory of God!

He has answered my prayers......not only that.....He led me to pray those prayers because He knew that was His plan for them.....that they would shine, shine, shine. They would miss the "hard stuff" of living on earth and go straight to the Glory, straight to the Good part! Oh the joy and comfort that brought to my soul......words can't describe.

Then, just in case I didn't feel as though He is right next to me walking me through this ENTIRE process, I opened my bible and this is the first passage that I saw.......

"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath." Psalm 116: 1-2

I needed nothing else that day. I started my time asking for mercy and ended my time filled and surrounded by His mercy.

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - THE NEWS IS IN.....

2011-12-22T00:16:00.002-05:00

We found out our pregnancy results......we're not pregnant. We lost the twins that they implanted - healthy and alive. We found out the news 10 days after the implant which was also Chris' birthday.

It was actually a blessing in some ways that it was on Chris' birthday because we had several fun little activities that we did as a family throughout the day. We gave Daddy his present in the morning and sang to him. We found out our news around 1:00 but we still hadn't baked his dessert, so we still had some baking with the kids to do and a "party" with just the four of us that evening. (Caleb and Alethia didn't know anything about the invitro other than Mommy was getting shots for her belly.....and Mommy had stickers on her belly to make it feel good - estrogen patches).

Although I knew that there were more emotions to come, the first day wasn't too bad and for that I was thankful. There's something about two bouncing, excited little ones who are ready to celebrate that makes it difficult to feel sad at the time.....again, a nice gift for me on this day of sad news.

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - OUR BABIES

2011-12-03T17:13:00.004-05:00

These are our babies - alive and strong on their 6th day of life - November 4, 2011! This picture was taken minutes before they were implanted back into my uterus. The part sticking out is also present on the one on the left but it's 3D and is sticking out towards us so we can't see it. It will eventually become the umbilical cord and will be the part that attaches to the uterus.

We'll see what happens.....

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - IMPLANT DAY NOVEMBER 4TH

2011-12-03T16:52:00.002-05:00

Today they thaw our embryos. I don't know what time they start or what time they'll be fully thawed. The doctor said to come in at 12:15 for the procedure unless they call us beforehand to say that the embryos did not make it through the thawing process. UGH!

Yes, a bit anxious in my stomach to say the least!

Chris had a good idea for all of us to do "something" this morning, anything to fill the time. We decided to go to the mall. Chris is got a haircut and the kids got soft pretzels.....the time was filled. We got home around 11:30, dropped off the kids at our neighbor's and headed to the doctor. NO PHONE CALL. Thank you Lord!

We arrived and asked immediately if they made it through the thawing and the answer was yes!
We went to our room, got booties on our feet and blue hats on our heads. Then they gave me a valium! Last time I didn't have one, but this time I thought it was a great idea! My insides were going a mile a minute. I was soooo excited to do this!

Our embryologist, Lilly, came in and said we had a decision to make - sure, give me valium and THEN ask me to make a decision! Thank goodness Chris was in his right mind! She said that two of the embryos thawed extremely well and looked very strong. She said that when they got to the right temperature and fluid balance they both immediately started "hatching" and the part that would attach to the uterus and become the umbilical cord was coming out just as it should. However our third embryo didn't look as strong. She said it was still viable but it wasn't really doing anything. She recommended that she watch it for 2-3 more days and if it starts to "do what it's supposed to" then she can refreeze it. She said that she thinks it may have been frozen at day 3 or 4 of life rather than day 6 of life like the other 2. We've always gone with the doctor/embryologist recommendation in the past when it comes to things like this, so we did that again. She said with the other 2 being so strong if we implanted the third we really could have a strong chance for triplets which is dangerous for the babies and for me. We decided to have her watch our third and to implant the two.

I got to look at the embryos through the microscope before getting on the table so that was exciting. There wasn't a way for Chris to see it because of accessibility but Lilly made a picture of them for us to take so that Chris could see them too.

After the procedure they told me I'd have to be on complete bedrest for 3 days and then not lift over 5 pounds for the next 2 weeks! AAAh! I was supposed to work the next 2 days and I usually help Chris with most of his care! But we told our neighbors and would have to trust the Lord to provide help!

So we headed home and to the couch!

Now for the 10 day wait until the pregnancy test.......

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - NOVEMBER 1, 2011

2011-12-03T16:36:00.002-05:00

I just read Ecclesiastes 11 and 12. All I seem to be able to do today is sit and stare.....Is it fear? Is it peace? Hard to say......it's deep but I can't put words to it. These scriptures are what I came upon.....

"As you do not know the way the Spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything." Ecclesiastes 11:5

My heart feels like it's totally stopped. All I know is that I can't full know the work of God.....can't know why sometimes He chooses to create life on earth, and sometimes not. Sometimes the babies go straight from the womb to Heaven. And sometimes they're never created.

"Remember Your Creator......" Ecclesiastes 12:1

Again, my mind stops here. No clear thought. I guess I'm just considering what this means.

And the last verse of the day that I can't seem to get out of my mind right now......

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

My heart feels fragile Lord. Again, in the pit of my stomach I feel like I'm not going to get pregnant. It makes me feel very quiet in my heart and my soul.

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - OCTOBER JOURNALS

2011-12-03T14:40:00.002-05:00

October 7
Lord, I started Lupron shots this week. So far so good. I'm so thankful for Chris and that he is going to drop his classes just to be with me and help me through this process. I don't know what I'd do without him.
God I feel like maybe I should be having a hard time, but right now I'm just mostly excited. I'm scared to be excited at times because I know that You may not give us children, but I also feel excited to see what the outcome is......mostly because I hope for children. I hope for a boy and girl......we've been thinking of names and so far are thinking of Faith and Cole. I'm nervous to imagine them, but I also find so much joy in thinking of them and praying for them. Lord comfort and prepare my heart for whatever Your plans are. But You know my heart is for a boy and a girl.....please Lord, all I can do is ask for their lives......and if not then bring about Your will and bring comfort to my soul if the answer is no. Please.

October 15
Lord, may You be glorified in my life and by my life to others around me. God I'm so scared to hope for children. I'm scared to dream because I'm scared of the pain if the dream doesn't come true. So Lord please take my heart and surround me with Your comfort and Your will. Guide me into it. May You be glorified. May people see You in me and be amazed by You and You alone.
Oh God, I just got a feeling in the pit of my stomach that we won't get pregnant. Just now. I don't know if it's true but God this is why I have to surrendor to You every desire that I have. Please have mercy on me. If You choose to not create life on earth with these embryos then please bring Your comfort. Please.

October 28
Oh I think the emotions are here. Yesterday I overheard a lady say that she has 4 children, 2 girls and 2 boys and my eyes immediately filled with tears.....oh I want that to be my story too!
Tonight at dinner I dropped my plate of green beans on the floor and I was immediately filled with the most intense rage - yes, rage. I was furious instantly.....and just 1 second earlier I was perfectly happy and content.....oh boy. Lord please don't let me be too crazy with Chris, Caleb, and Alethia!
I feel afraid that I will be heartbroken at the end of this.

October 30
Lord I feel so anxious, not knowing if the embryos will make it through the thawing process. It's in exactly one week. God I just really want them to be able to be implanted back in me even if at the end we don't get pregnant or if we miscarry. I guess I just want them to make it through the "science" part so that they can be in me. Lord the joy that children bring me is so incredible. Please create life in these embryos and may they glorify Your Name and shine Your light, Your love, Your truth, Your freedom. Lord may Your radiance shine forth out of them in however You create them.

The time draws near.....less than one week to implant.....4 patches of estrogen and 2 shots of progesterone are underway......

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - SEPT AND OCT 2011

2011-12-01T22:39:00.002-05:00

I finished the birth control and did one more ultrasound for my doctor to "practice" implanting the embryos so that he could know the exact angles and size of the catheter that he'd need to use. At this same appointment the nurse showed me how to do my shots of Lupron - one shot per day in the stomach.

Chris had a great idea to do the shot right before i fall asleep. In the first two in vitro cycles I did the shots at 8:00 and every night at 8:20 I started crying.....yes, it really was that exact! So this time he figured if I wait to do the shot until right before I climb into bed to sleep it would spare both of us the tears! He was right. I don't remember crying once after taking the Lupron. What a gift! Thanks for the idea Sweetheart!

I gave myself the Lupron shots for 2 week I think before starting the estrogen patches. I started with one estrogen patch but then increased up to 4 patches. The last week before implant and afterwards I started progresterone shots twice per day. These are the big shots - in the muscle of the hip. Since I'm so blessed to live in a building filled with nurses, I was able to have friends give me the shots each day. Four of my nurse friends rotated days and gave me my shot in the hip - I can't tell you how much this helped me! It was such a gift to not have the pressure of doing my own shots. Thank you ladies!

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - SEPT 2011 STARTING BIRTH CONTROL

2011-12-01T22:32:00.002-05:00

Oh we made it!

Finally!

I started birth control in September. The process is one month of birth control, have a period, then start the invitro shots and meds. So with it all finally here, the process REALLY starting, I felt so emotional - tears - aftraid to hope, afraid not to hope, afraid to desire children, afraid to not desire children. I thought that already having Caleb and Alethia would make my emotions more calm, but now that the time was here, so were the emotions. I guess the unknown is just difficult.

But ready or not, the time has come......

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - SUMMER 2011 JOURNAL

2011-12-01T21:49:00.003-05:00

More from my heart and the "real" experience of in vitro......(several excerpts shared from my journal this past summer)

June 1st
Lord the hormone surge is here, or should I say the drop off. I finished the estrogen patch last week and the past three days have been rough! Overall this whole month my emotions were ok but now that the patch is gone I feel irritable - so easily frustrated which is frustrating in and of itself. Today I cried several times just because I feel like I can't control my irritation and because I feel like my descernment/insight in making decisions is not reliable either. It's so hard to feel out of control of my behavior and reactions to things......this is the part I hate about in vitro!

June 2nd
Lord please lead me through this in vitro process. My emotions get so scattered and strong and intense. And Lord, I don't know if I'd be a good Mommy to more babies and still be a good wife. I'll need You for sure. But Lord, my heart - my dreaming heart - still has a flicher in it desiring more babies. But Lord my confidence in myself to be able to manage it all is low. Please create the family that You desire for us and then lead us on Your path for the outcome and provision for how to take care of each of them. Please Lord.

August 10th
Father God, I do ask that we would have more children. The numbers are such a fluctuation each day for me. I go between wanting one to wanting twins so frequently. Please do Your will - create the lives that You deisre to create and create them exactly as You choose. I give you my desires, Chris' desires, our physical abilities, and our physical inabilities. May we do all things throu You strengthening us. God bring us to and through the medical care that we need.

August 13
Lord, I can't help myself, I just HAVE to ask you for my heart's desire - please give us girl and boy twins. I pray that you would protect our embryos, strengthen them and grow them as only You, their Creator, can. Lord I know that You have given us three. So I pray that the one that goes to heaven will bring strength to Your throne through his/her praises. And I ask that the two who grow up on earth would give strength to Your throne and Kingdom from here.

August 30
Lord I just have to pray for our little baby girl and boy. I don't know ifthey'll ever exist but I pray for them Lord. Create them please, develop them. Give them life Lord, please. I ask that their lives would be a mirror to the world of Your grace, Your love, Your power, and Your mercy. I ask that they would SHINE forth Your radiance and Your glory. Oh Lord God I do put this into Your hands - however many children you desire to give us, including zero. But I feel like I want to pray for our boy and our girl. May their lives shine, SHINE forth Your life. Lord may they not shine themselves, but may they shine to glorify You. Shine the radiance of Your glory. Oh Lord God I ask for their health and strength. I ask that You create strong physical bodies for them. Create them as You desire Lord. May You continue to lead us on this journey of our lives.

These are just some of the prayers that I prayed throughout the summer. It's such an emotional time - scared to fully want more children in case the answer is NO, yet needing to be honest about the desires in my heart. Oh what a time of trying to remain calm and peaceful - holding on tight to my desires yet trying to "give them to the Lord" at the same time.

But we're still getting closer.......

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - JULY 2011

2011-12-01T02:52:00.002-05:00

I finally got my "real" period and was able to schedule my ultrasound so see the results of the surgery. Going into the appointment I thought that they would set me up with birth control (the first step of the in vitro cycle). However, that's not how it works.

Fortunately, the ultrasound showed no scar tissue and everything looked great! WHEW! However, I needed to wait until my next period came and then after it was finished THEN I'd be able to start the birth control and then go right into the in vitro cycle. But, when I counted the days and did the math if I started birth control in August I would be ready for the implant the first week in October......which is when we were already scheduled to go to the OuterBanks, NC for a week! UGH! I called my in vitro nurse and she confirmed my calculations and said we should wait another month and start the birth control in September - my, my, my! OK, I'm getting good at waiting!

Another BIG event happening at this time was having the embryos shipped from North Carolina to Texas! Yes, our first in vitro cycle was through Wake Forest's Fertility Center and that is where our little babies were. So we needed to have them shipped here to our new clinic and their new embryologist. So I contacted the embryologist there and faxed and signed all my consents and then coordinated the whole trip. First our embryologist here would overnight a "dry shipper" (what keeps them safe and at the right temperature and right state of dehydration) to NC on a Monday. On Tuesday they would receive it and overnight our embryos to TX. This way our embryologist here would have plenty of time to receive them during the week so that they wouldn't arrive on a weekend with no one at the clinic to receive them and get them safely to their new storage unit. Our embryologist here was awesome and she led me through the entire process. She called me the moment she received them and told me they arrived safely and that she'd take good care of them. I felt so much comfort from her and she was so patient in explaining every detail to me so that I knew what was happening.

OUR BABIES ARE IN TEXAS! THE WHOLE FAMILY IS FINALLY HERE!!!! BEST YET, THEY'RE ONLY A FEW BLOCKS AWAY!

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - MAY 2011 JOURNAL

2011-12-01T02:29:00.003-05:00

I don't think I've ever done this before, but in an attempt to be totally and completely honest with you I think it's important that I share a portion of what I wrote in my journal in mid-May when I was on the estrogen patch and had the IUD. I only share it to be completely honest with my experiences, my desires, and my prayers at each stage of this process. Unless you've gone through it before you may not realize just how consuming it is and how it encompasses every part of your being - at least it did for me. So I share this to honestly share the experiences of my heart during this in vitro process, for no other reason......

Lord, here we are. It's been just over 2 weeks on estrogen. I know I'm snappier with Chris and the kids - especially Caleb. It's not who I am or who I want to be. I don't want to take comments or situations as a personal criticism. I just want to be wholly present with whoever I am with - whether it's You, Chris, Caleb, or Alethia.
And Lord I want to be open to all that You want to speak to me or show me inj praying for these embryos that You have given us. Daddy, my heart fills and quivers all at the same time at just the thought of them. They are ours that You have given us. They are 6 days old. I can do nothing but ask You for their lives Lord. They're already here, already created. I ask that you give us the giftt of another boy and girl twins. Lord, I don't know how to live it or how to care for everyone but I do ask for their lives - that You continue to create life, create their lives, that they may know You and praise You. Lord may their lives glorify You. Lord I don't know the plans You have for me. I don't know the adventures. I ask for Your will - Your good and perfect will. I don't pretend to know what You'll do. I don't have any idea. I have dreams but only You know Your plans. I just ask that You create amazing life in these babies - may they lead all of us to fall in worship to You. Lord I do ask that You show me what to pray as their Mama. Please Lord, show me what to pray specifically during every step of this process. And please show me who to ask to pray. Oh Lord these are babies You've given us. May we care for them by following Your lead in every way including our prayers. I am humbled and know that I have no power over this - there is nothgin I can do to give myself a child or children. There is no way for me to know if more children are even a good plan for our lives. I just ask that whatever You decide to do, that Caleb, Alethia, and these babies would know You and adore You. May they not empower themselves but may they come to Your feet to be fed, watered, and empowered by the Creator of their lives and the Author of their salvation. You and You alone are the source of love and Truth which life is based upon. May we be open and cleansed by You and kep humble that we really would experience the power of Your providing hand and the mercy of Your love and heart. Be our Lord - all of us, including these embryos. Fix our eyes on You and draw us to a deeper relationship with You. Only You can bring us into relationship with You and only You can keep us here and bring us to eternity and completion in You. I ask that You do that, please. Please. AMEN

Another step in the process.....

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - MAY 2011

2011-12-01T02:10:00.002-05:00

Let the hormones begin!

To heal from my surgery my doctor started me on an estrogen patch for one month and placedan IUD in at the time of surgery also for one month. He said that the estrogen would help to thicken the lining of the uterus and allow it to heal thoroughly from the surgery. The IUD was placed to hold the sides of the uterus apart as they healed so that the scar tissue did not form again as I healed from the surgery.

In our first 2 in vitro cycles I never had to use estrogen, so this was my first experience.
Hmmmm, not a huge fan of it I must say.......

Abdominal bloating (I FELT pregnant, my abdomen was huge!)
Hot flashes - fun times
Tenderness in areas that aren't normally tender (no need for all the details to be shared!)
Possibly a BIT emotional and irritable. Hard to imagine, but I do think I was, just a bit!
Sleepy, oh so sleepy. I napped when the kids napped and they would wake me up everyday when they got up.

It did feel like a long month but at least I knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that it was just another necessary step to get us to those babies. Our babies needed a good home, so I needed to heal well and make it ready for them!

I made it through my month and returned to my doctor. I was under the impression that once he took out the IUD we would start the invitro cycle right away so I was so excited to get going. However at this appointment he removed the IUD and then said that I should expect some bleeding in the next few days but that we couldn't be sure if that was my "regular" period or if it was just from removing the estrogen patch and the IUD. So I would have to wait another whole month for my next period and then call to schedule another ultrasound to look at where the scar tissue had been so that he can see how it healed. UGH! That's not what I wanted to hear but I don't really get to choose, so I had to go with it!

It was until Mid-July that my "real" period came and I was able to call to schedule my next ultrasound 7-9 days after my last day of my period - so exact!

I must say that coming off the estrogen was far worse in my mood than being on it was. Man was I irritable - everything made me frustrtated, everything! Mostly the little things that don't really matter - yup, they were the worst! That irritability lasted 2 full weeks before it started to taper down and I felt like I had a handle on myself again! God bless Chris during these times. He hangs in there with me even when I'm irrational and snappy!

But we were one step closer......

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - APRIL 2011

2011-12-01T02:01:00.002-05:00

My surgery is here. Same day surgery. Chris rode me over to the surgery center and sat with me as I got prepped and then off I went to count backwards and fall asleep.

My doctor said that it went really well and he showed us pictures of where the scar tissue was and where he was able to cut to remove it. I didn't have any pain when I woke up but he did give me one pain pill as I left just in case.

It's funny. Chris and I laugh at how long it takes me to wake up from surgeries. I guess since I'm not used to medicine it takes basically nothing to knock me out and keep me out! So, as expected, when I awoke there was Chris at my side, surrounded by nurses who were giggling and "Oooing" and "Aaaaahhhing" at his stories. They all knew our entire story and all of our plans for invitro and hopefully more babies. Some had tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces......yup, that's my Chris. That's what I love about him. He shares his heart and his life with whoever he is with and his passion and excitement is contagious. So I awoke and immediately had a smile on my face and in my heart watching him. Oh how I love this man.

The rest of the day looked pretty typical for me after a surgery......sleep on the couch.....wake up to see Chris at my side......throw up once.......then all better by night time.
That's my typical story and that's what happened this time. The kids were being watched by a friend so the house was quiet and I could rest as much or as little as I wanted. It was great to finally be moving forward in our process.....that seemed like a long 3 months to wait from January to April!

IN VITRO FERTILIZATION - JANUARY THROUGH APRIL, 2011

2011-12-01T01:47:00.002-05:00

Oh where to begin......how do I put into words the emotions and thoughts of my heart....we are FINALLY here......ready to start invitro again......ready to see what God is going to do with these precious little embryos - OUR precious little frozen embryos.

I guess I need to begin with my views on these babies. First thing first, I do view them as our babies. I believe that God is the creator of all life and that a baby's life begins the moment the egg is fertilized by the sperm and the embryo is formed. So for me, these have always been my babies, waiting for their Mama and Daddy to be able to come back for them and thaw them and give them a chance to grow - a chance for life.

Another belief of mine is that God created these embryos when He didn't need to. So it MUST be His plan for us to go through in vitro fertilization again NOMATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME IS - even if we dont' get pregnant or if we miscarry. You see, when you have frozen embryos you have some options for what you choose to do with them.

#1 You can go through in vitro again and try to get pregnant
#2 You can give them up for adoption and have another couple adopt them and go through in vitro fertilzation with them and try to get pregnant
#3 You can have them discarded - thrown away essentially

When I look at these options the only one that I can do is #1. There is nothing in me and never has been that leans towards either of the other option. Again, for me, I believe that God is the Creator of all life and that He chose to create these babies for a purpose, so my decision has been made for me by Him.......go through in vitro again.

So the dreams begin.....the wondering.......the hoping........the praying intensifies.......

My dream is to have another set of boy girl twins. I've thought that from the first moment that I knew we had them (even before we knew that we were pregnant with Caleb and Alethia). This dream and desire has only intensified over the years. I've prayed for them off and on over the last 4 1/2 years and now the time has come.

Oh Lord, please. Please give us another boy and girl twin. It's all my heart can pray for. When I try to pray for just one it just doesn't feel right.....it's not my heart.......my Mommy heart wants more twins. Please God. I know that only You know what is best for us and what our family needs and what You plan to do in our lives. But I do share with You my desires for these babies that you have given us. Please, please give us another amazing gift, please.

Here we go.......

IN VITRO FOR THE THIRD TIME - JANUARY 2011

2011-12-01T01:26:00.002-05:00

One of the biggest events of this year has been going through in vitro fertilization for the third time. For those who don't know, our only option for pregnancy has been to do in vitro fertilization (I'll describe it in detail in future posts). When we got pregnant with Caleb and Alethia during our second round of in vitro, we were blessed to have 3 remaining embryos that were strong enough to be frozen. Our doctor implanted Caleb and Alethia and a third embryo when they were 3 days old and of course we ended up getting pregnant with our amazing twins. We received a call on the 6th day from our embryologist telling us that they were able to freeze the remaining three embryos and that in the future whenever we were ready we could go through in vitro fertilzation again to try to get pregnant again.

So, since August 11, 2006 we have had 3 frozen embryos who were 6 days old and were waiting for Mommy and Daddy to "try again" for them. Every year we have received a bill and paid for their "storage unit" and waited for the time to be right. For us, going through in vitro is not just a decision for when we are ready to have more children and be pregnant, it's such an involved process that we had to wait for both of us to have the right mindset just to make it through the process itself regardless of the outcome of pregnancy or not.

My plan on this blog is to explain to you in detail (maybe more detail than you'd like) exactly what has been involved in this third in vitro cycle and the emotions, thoughts, and prayers through it so that you can have a glimpse of what it may be like for someone else who is going through infertility treatments or circumstances. It's no easy walk in the park, that's for sure!

After praying about it for 4 1/2 years, Chris and I decided that 2011 was going to be the year. My job circumstance is perfect, only working 2 days per week and being off all weekdays makes it very easy to go to appointments whenever they need to be, which is a huge part of in vitro. Financially we had saved enough to take the plunge as well and emotionally we felt ready to go for it, whatever "it" involved.

So in January we had our first consult with the clinic here, which happens to be 3 blocks away - another huge factor in deciding that now is the time! We met with our doctor and scheduled the first ultrasound to look at my uterus and make sure nothing is inside it that would prevent pregnancy. As it turned out there was something in there! Who knew??!! Scar tissue was connecting one side of my uterus to the other which would prevent my uterus from being able to fully stretch to allow for pregnancy as the baby/babies grew bigger. So step number one was scheduled - surgery to remove the scar tissue.

Now, one thing to know about any step in this process is that it is all timed exactly with wherever you are in your cycle. So we couldn't just have an appt on Monday to talk about options and then schedule it the next week. Oh no, that would be too simple. We had to wait to be at a very exact time in my cycle, right in the middle actually. Even the ultrasound to find out that we needed surgery had to be between day 7 and 9 of my cycle. So every step in the process usually required at least one month of waiting just to get the timing right. After our first meeting in January, we were finally ready for surgery at the end of April.

To be continued.......

MORE OF THE SHARKS

2011-11-25T23:56:00.003-05:00

Here are just some shots from various games with Caleb.....he LOVED soccer - the practice, his coach, his teammates, the games......he loved it all and so did the rest of us!

After the opposing team scored Caleb got to kick it off again...#14

Water break.....Daddy and Alethia cheering from the sidelines....

Caleb after his last game......PEACE

SHARKS VS. BATMANS

2011-11-25T23:47:00.002-05:00

I finally got to go to my first Sharks soccer game! Caleb played his heart out. The Batmans were the only other undefeated team other than us, so it was an intense match up......

A physical game the whole time....

BUT, Caleb played hard and scored his second-ever goal in a game!
Here he is dribbling down the field......

And here is the shot......and SCORE!!!!

SOOO excited for him!!! And sooo glad that I got to be there for it!

DTS FALL FESTIVAL

2011-11-25T23:39:00.001-05:00

Every year in mid-Octobe DTS does a Fall Festival on campus....

There are bouce-houses, face-painting, food, and games.....

Alethia was a Kitty....AGAIN!

I missed the pumpkin with Caleb, but their favorite game was bowling with a pumpkin!

They did it over and over and over again!

MANTEO AQUARIUM

2011-11-25T23:31:00.002-05:00

We took a little family trip one afternoon to the aquarium in Manteo. Fun trip down memory lane since Chris went to elementary school in Manteo and we got to see his old school on the way...

Caleb and Alethia always love aquariums!

This shark freaked me out when I took the picture. I wanted one of a shark but he just turned and came right at me.....gave me the chills!

We spent a lot of time at the shark tank!

Of course Daddy bought stuffed animals at the end of the trip....he's a sucker for gift shops! Caleb got a shark and Alethia got a mermaid so everyone left very happy and satisfied!

STILL AT OBX.....

2011-11-25T23:25:00.002-05:00

I know, I took a thousand pictures at the beach, but I want to have all of our memories here for us to enjoy, so here are some more pictures........

Caleb in Manteo

Twins with cousin Blake at the pier.....

They sure do LOVE Blake!

And I think he has fun with them as well!

BEAUTY OF THE BEACH

2011-11-25T23:19:00.002-05:00

Gorgeous day out at the beach

Lots of giggles.....

Lots to see...

Uncle Patrick's pier - Avalon Pier is where Patrick's ashes were spread so it will always be known as his pier in our minds.

MORE REDSKIN FOOTAGE

2011-11-24T19:56:00.002-05:00

Lots of cuddles during the game...

Zachary and Chris....still happy even when we lose!

Gramps.....another die-hard Skins fan.....the one who got Chris hooked from birth!

Intense moments of the game.....we were there for our team....too bad it wasn't enough to bring us to victory! Still a super fun day though!

REDSKIN SUNDAY AT THE BEACH

2011-11-24T19:49:00.002-05:00

Zachary and Melissa are intense Redskin fans like us, so we all had the same plans for Sunday! We got on our Skins gear and got the food ready.......

Get your game face on!

Oh Skins, will you win???

The kids were ready! SOOO nice to be around Skins fans on Sunday instead of surrounded by Cowboys like we are in Dallas!

KITES ON THE BEACH

2011-11-24T19:39:00.002-05:00

Tori and her sister Sue spoiled us again after Chris spoke......they showed up at our condo with 2 bags filled with kites for all the kids! How fun! Sunday was the perfect kite-flying day.....windy, cloudy, a little chilly (so no one was on the beach to run over!). I struggled a bit getting the kites in the air, but fortunately Zach's friend, Melissa, was an excellent kite expert and she got all four kids' kites in the air and kept them there!!! (She was definitely busy running back and forth between four kids!)

Look at the concentration on that face!

Alethia's kite got REALLY high!

She LOVED it!

SPEAKING DAY - OBX

2011-11-17T00:40:00.002-05:00

Our whole purpose of coming to the OuterBanks was for Chris to speak at the "Walk Against Addiction" which was arranged in part by an old neighbor of his (Chris used to babysit Tori's children when he lived at the beach). Tori arranged for all of our accomodations - she was AMAZING! She paid for all of our travel, the condo we stayed in, she filled our fridge with food for the week, she gave the kids boogy boards, sand toys, kites, T-shirts, and 2 pet frogs! We were COMPLETELY spoiled for an entire week! It was awesome!

When Alethia sees Pepaw she's not quick to let him go......

She is definitely a "Grampa Girl".......she loves every Grandfather that she has!

Chris isn't quick to let go of Pepaw either!

MORE BEACH

2011-11-17T00:33:00.002-05:00

Micah, another cousin of Chris' met us with his family at the beach as well. Chris' Mom rented a home and arranged for Micah's family and Pepaw (Chris' grandfather) to come to the beach as well. It was a great reunion since Micah lives in Knoxville as well as Pepaw, Chris' Mom lives in Georgia, and Zachary lives in Virginia. So it's rare for all of us to see each other.

Great times plotting the next move.....

which happened to be getting Chris into an inflatable boat and into the ocean (it's NEVER dull traveling with Chris Skinner......which I LOVE about him)!

OBX DAY 2

2011-11-17T00:20:00.002-05:00

Day 2 started with cartoons....as every vacation should! We don't have cable so anytime we travel half the fun of the trip is the Disney Junior Channel - Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Handy Manny, Little Einsteins to name a few.....

Uncle Zachary (chris' cousin) arrived the night before with his daughters and friend!

Alethia began her second creation onced we made it to the beach......I love it!

Kisses and hugs......

Each day we contacted the Lifeguards and they drove Chris in their truck out to the beach, set up a chair for him, and lifted him into it.....then they told us to call when he was ready to leave or if he needed anything else. It was sooo great to feel loved by them in this way. They MADE this trip sooo memorable and enjoyable for all of us. I can't imagine how different the trip would've been if Chris hadn't been able to be on the beach. It was great.....and for him to be on the same level as the kids and I was awesome.....in his wheelchair his seat is often either shorter or taller than the rest of us, so it's such a special time for us as a family when we are all on the same height/level and can be close physically....there's nothing like it and I personally enjoyed every moment of it. Thank you Lord for allowing us to have such special memories.

OBX DAY 1 EVENING

2011-11-17T00:03:00.002-05:00

After a full afternoon at the beach we had much enjoyed cuddles at the condo......

I haven't mentioned yet, but Gramps (Chris' Dad) picked us up from the airport and spent the week with us......which we all loved!

Nothing like Hello Kitty and Gramps in the same chair! (never thought I'd see that combo!)

OBX DAY 1 Continues

2011-11-16T23:45:00.002-05:00

Daddy explained surfing conditions, waves, and everything else necessary for a 4 year old boy to know when he is about to ride his boogy board for the first time.....

While Alethia grabbed her shovel and scouted out her plot of sand......

to begin her first masterpiece of the week.....

Her finished product.....she LOVED all the sticks on the beach!

OBX

2011-11-16T22:41:00.002-05:00

The first week of October we had the LUXURY of spending in the Outer Banks, NC for a speaking engagment....(I LOVE my husband's job!). Since Chris grew up here it was an extra special trip!

The first day we hit the beach and LOVED it! (except Mommy forgot to pack swimsuits.....oopsy daisies.....I do seem to forget the most important things sometimes!)

This was the first time Caleb and Alethia have seen the ocean or a beach like this, so they were in awe!

SUCH a FUN afternoon.....

SOPHIE MAE

2011-11-07T17:21:00.002-05:00

This precious little girl has been sooooo fun to watch over this first year of her life.....our little friend Sophie Mae! Her parents, David and Grace, have been such incredibly faithful and helpful friends to us since we first moved to Dallas. I really can't imagine our time here without them.

Since we all love them, we have loved Sophie from the time she was in her Mama's belly! Caleb and Alethia LOVE to entertain her!

They surround her with hugs and toys everytime she enters our home and it's so fun to watch - until it's time to clean up!

But I'm sooo glad that we had this little photo session the last time they came for dinner.....such sweet memories for such sweet friends!

EVENING CUDDLES

2011-11-07T16:48:00.002-05:00

Most evenings Daddy gets in his red recliner chair and the kids pile-on.......and since I can't help myself, I had to take more pictures......

Let the fun begin.....

Makes me smile......

Nothing better than watching your kids love and adore their Daddy!

FUNNY FACES

2011-11-07T16:42:00.000-05:00

FUNNY.......

FACES.....

WITH.......

DADDY......

FIRST SOCCER PRACTICE!!

2011-11-07T16:31:00.002-05:00

The day arrived!!!! Caleb's first soccer practice......it was sooo much fun!!

He loved every minute of it.....the shooting......the dribbling.....the drills around the cones......meeing Coach Chad.......

And of course having Daddy on the field with him as his assistant coach.....sooo important to Caleb!

And so the season begins for the Sharks!!!

SKATEBOARDING WITH PEGG

2011-11-07T16:00:00.002-05:00

One of the most fun activities with the Pegg's involved Jeremy's skateboard.

Here we see Jeremy explaining to Alethia the joy and adrenaline-rush that she is about to experience....she got the helmet, he got the board, and they climbed the hill......

As Jeremy assumed his position it looks like Alethia's excitement began to grow as she ran into his arms......

And the thrill is on.......

So now we turn to Caleb......

I think it's safe to say he enjoyed himself! I bet they each rode down that hill 20 times by the end of the evening!

What a great adventure! Thanks Pegg's!

FUN NIGHT AT THE PEGGS

2011-11-07T15:50:00.001-05:00

Another fun stop on our Radford tour was a night at the Pegg's. All four of us ate dinner with them and then they kept the kids for an evening of fun while Chris and I went to one of his speaking engagements.

Pam started it right by sewing a hole on one of Alethia's favorite stuffed animals and then painting her fingernails.....I mean, really, is there anything more close to a four year old girl's heart?

Jeremy, as always, had the camera to take a shot of Pam's masterpiece when they were finished. Alethia was even more excited because Ms. Pam put a top coat on the polish to make it last longer (Mommy's never done that before, so it was a big deal!).

And as any princess, Alethia loves to see the results of her photoshoot.....

Here they are, glamour nails....perfectly pink! (Yes, this is my picture, not Jeremy's.....but I'm sure we'll get a copy of his pics as well!)

GRAMPSY

2011-11-07T15:35:00.002-05:00

What the kids were most excited for in their trip to Virginia was to see their Gramps (who Alethia now calls Grampsy! She loves to do that - Nana is now Nanny to her.....to me it communicates how much she cherishes them in her heart). We got to see Gramps every day and we all loved it! On this day he took the kids to the park and down the trail to see the New River and all of nature along it.

They ate up the attention and asked millions of questions......well, Caleb asked millions of questions, Alethia just loved to run and cuddle and be held and play games.

It was a beautiful week to visit and so fun for me to see the kids with Gramps. One of my favorite things to watch is our kids with their grandparents......we are so blessed to have grandparents on both sides of our family who adore Caleb and Alethia and want to have a special place in their hearts. What a unique and amazing gift!

There's nothing like watching your children be loved and cared for by others as well as yourself. It really fills my heart so full of gratefulness.....so much gratefulness.

FIRST STOP - THE DUNN'S

2011-11-02T15:53:00.002-04:00

We were blessed once again by our friends Mike and Peggy! We stayed at their home the entire week in Radford and they spoiled us with food and love and toys! Aunt Peggy cooked every option possible for dinner our first night and the food kept coming all week!

The kids loved hearing the stories of when they used to babysit them when they were just itty-bitty babies (for real, I think the first time they had them for the weekend they were 8 weeks old!)

It was great to see the beautiful sites......I'd forgotten how beautiful this little town is.....

And it was soooo fun to see how excited the kids were to see their old hometown!

IN THE AIR AGAIN!

2011-11-02T15:44:00.003-04:00

At the beginning of September all four of us boarded a plane and headed back to Virginia - Radford, Virginia. Chris had several speaking engagments and we were able to go for 5 days which was great!

The kids really are flying experts at this point! They take their seats and read their "flying book" that they love in every airplane, then they're ready to go!

We were all so excited to go home and visit our friends.....

.....it's been a long time.....

TIME FOR SOCCER SEASON!

2011-10-31T16:11:00.002-04:00

Caleb has been asking about soccer season since he started T ball, but the time has now arrived! So off to the soccer store we went on a family outing to find cleats, shin guard, socks, and a ball!

We called MoMo (Chris' Mom on the way in our excitement and she said she'd pay for whatever he needed! What a HUGE gift to have family members who love our children so much and are able to give gifts so generously!)

We tried on a lot of shin guards and cleats, but finally arrived at the ones that fit the best! Then we headed to campus to get used to the new equipment.......Alethia was supportive and cheered for Caleb as he practiced dribbling the ball across the field.

The best part of all is that Daddy was able to talk to the folks in charge of the league and get Caleb on our friend Coach Chad's team.......and Daddy gets to help out with every practice......Caleb ALWAYS wants Daddy to be his assistant coach. He tells me all the time that I don't know much about sports but Daddy knows everything and is teaching him everything he needs to know! That boy LOVES his Daddy! I love it!

DELIVERY FOR ALETHIA SKINNER!

2011-10-31T15:55:00.002-04:00

FINALLY, the day arrived! Alethia has been asking to do dance class since she was 2! We told her that when she turned 4 she could do ballet but THEN she had to be patient enough to wait from April 11 (her birthday) until September when new classes started! BUT she FINALLY gets to do her class!

Aunt Tammy did dance when she was growing up and she LOVES that Alethia wants to dance. So she surprised Alethia with a VERY FUN package! A whole box FILLED with dance clothes for her class!

Pink and black everything - leotards, skirts, tights, ballet shoes in different sizes to grow into - it was awesome! Alethia was soooo excited!!

Of course we spent the rest of the day in her dance clothes.....practicing!

Here she is.....the ballerina!

BUILDING CITIES AND FORTRESSES

2011-10-31T15:26:00.003-04:00

Our rule in the morning is that Caleb and Alethia have to wait for an alarm clock to sound before they are allowed to come out of their room (except for using the potty of course!). However, when they wake up they are allowed to get out of their beds and play. This time usually results in some marvelous lego and lincoln log creations! This was a Lego morning as you can see.....

Above is Caleb's creation and the two below belong to Alethia!

Simple and sweet but I love them because they are mine!

MY CALEB

2011-10-23T21:16:00.002-04:00

This little boy is so incredibly precious to me. I love everything about him and I love getting to know him as he grows and learns and changes and becomes the person God has created him to be.

I love being his Mommy, getting his hugs, getting his kisses, hearing his stories, answering his questions........he brings such joy to my life!

and I love every face that he makes.......

Especially this one!!!!

ALETHIA AND HER DIRT

2011-10-23T21:01:00.005-04:00

Alethia is definitely a little girl who loves dirt! She always has, even as a baby.....she LOVES getting her hands dirty, digging, and creating! LOVES it!

So while Caleb rides, Alethia searches, digs, and creates.......

I love seeing her little fingers in the mud.....brings a smile to my face since I know it brings joy to her heart!

This is her "I'm concentrating and creating" face.....love it!

BIG WHEEL

2011-10-23T20:43:00.002-04:00

THIS my fine friends is THE big wheel in our courtyard. This big wheel has brought us hours upon hours of entertainment, exercise, competion, wipe outs, smiles, and joy. Caleb has lived on this big wheel all summer.....he guards it and monopolizes it from all the other kids in our building when he comes outside.....it is hands-down his favorite!

He's raced the clock, he's raced Daddy, he's raced Mommy, he's raced friends.....anything he can do to bring competition and speed!

So cool, so fun....

Look at his competitive-eyes....he's focused!

Thank you Swiss Tower (our building) for providing such a fun big wheel for us to use!

DALLAS SPLASH PARK

2011-10-23T20:26:00.003-04:00

I was soooo excited to find out that Dallas has free splash parks! They are park that just have sprinklers shooting water everywhere so that kids can run through and play at a park without burning their skin on the slides! It's perfect!

Caleb loved it.....Alethia loved it from a distance....I think her toes got wet!

We all ran and played all morning with some friends.....it was soo much fun!

I love this picture of Alethia.....she definitely had to watch and observe how this whole splash park thing worked before she decided to play in it! Doesn't she look thrilled?

STING RAYS

2011-10-23T19:50:00.003-04:00

After a trip to the aquarium we came home and asked the kids to draw pictures of something that they liked at the aquarium.......the results were many sting-rays and jellyfish

(I forget what Alethia said this was, but it really was something from the aquarium)

Caleb explains that the ones with the long tails going to the right are sting-rays, the others are jellyfish

(despite many attempts, I couldn't get this picture to be upright.....but it's too cute not to include, so better sideways than no-ways)

Alethia's sting-ray!

I love how their minds work....asking them questions is my favorite!

DADDY CUDDLES

2011-10-23T19:37:00.003-04:00

Sometimes you just have to tackle your Daddy with kisses and hugs....

I am a blessed woman.....what a sweet family I have!

TIME FOR WAR

2011-10-22T22:42:00.006-04:00

Daddy bought Caleb some army men and one of their favorite games is to play war! They divide their men and set out the cards to play. Daddy and Uncle Patrick used to play war and they made up their own rules for how to play using a deck of cards, so this is a homemade Skinner game!

Alethia decided to play as you can see....which makes it even more fun!

Daddy prepared his strategy and was ready for the fight!

This is Caleb's "fighting face"........looks more like a giggling face to me!

Alethia's like her Mommy, she doesn't have much of a "battle face" but she does have fun!

ONE MORE WAGON RIDE

2011-10-22T22:24:00.002-04:00

Before going in for bed the kids took one more wagon ride in the courtyard.....Daddy pushing and Eric steering......what a great wagon to fit all 5 kids!

And here we all are.....five friends!

Nothing like a chocolate grin!

Proud Daddy's and husbands.....

And finally, the Mamas!!

I'm very thankful for our friends here - another gift in this time of our lives!

FUDGESICLES

2011-10-22T22:16:00.002-04:00

First of all, did I spell that right? Well, you know what I mean, chocolate popsicles! Anyway, here are some favorite friends again.....after dinner we headed outside for some fudgesicles!

Pretty cute picture considering we asked five friends to each chocolate and then sit still and smile!!

Yummy!

Alethia and JoJo have a special bond.....JoJo said he missed Alethia when he was out of town one time and she has never forgotten it. Every few days she says, "We haven't seen JoJo in a while, I bet he misses me. He's probably calling for me and looking for me."

FAVORITE FAMILIES

2011-10-22T22:07:00.002-04:00

We have absolutely met some great friends while we've been here in Dallas.....especially Caleb and Alethia. What a fun thing, to live in a building with all of your friends! It's great and they love it. One day while we were in our courtyard where the kids play Alethia said, "Mommy, I'm really gonna miss this courtyard when I go to heaven." Yes, I'd say she loves it!

I just had to share some great pictures of an evening spent with one of our favorite families who live right above us!

You can see that these boys clearly love each other and have a blast together.....sometimes too much fun! Their wrestling does have rules now for sure!

And here are the Caleb's together.....getting into a little arm wrestling right now, huh?

Or maybe it was just a maneuver to assume a hugging position!

And finally it's the princesses! Two little giggle-boxes who love each other!

SMILES

2011-10-22T22:02:00.001-04:00

I love these two people......especially with peanut butter and jelly smeared on their faces (look closely at Caleb)!

FEET? NEW SHOES??

2011-10-22T21:45:00.002-04:00

So Chris wanted me to take pictures of his feet with Caleb's (he got new shoes that he loves).....but I don't think "foot photography" is my niche.....seriously, not too impressed, what do you think??

First I figured I needed to try as many angles as possible.....surely I could find a good one, right?

Not bad.....

Maybe black and white is the key?

This was my favorite, but I'm not sure......but I will say, I love them all for the memories!! My two favorite male feet!

OTHER SUMMER FUN ACTIVITIES

2011-10-22T21:35:00.002-04:00

Caleb has seen some of his favorite adults playing frisbee this past Spring and Summer so Daddy got him his very own frisbee - of course it's a "Life is good" frisbee....it's our family motto I think!

The kids have gotten pretty good at playing with bubbles independently.....it is rather tricky to hold that bottle upright the entire time however....so Mommy and Daddy still buy the really cheap bubble solution!

I hope we don't outgrow bubbles anytime soon.....they've been a family favorite for a good 3 years now!

SIX FLAGS

2011-10-22T21:22:00.002-04:00

Alright, I must say that I can't remember the exact date the last time I went to an amusement park but it had to be college or younger. Our niece said one of the things she wanted to do the most while she was here was to go to Six Flags.....so off we went.....I think it was 110 degrees that day!

Chris took the kids and she and I headed to Six Flags. I did well at first....did a small, warm-up rollercoaster......then Batman (was it 3 or 4 times in a row?) There were no lines for anything so we just walked on every ride.....then Mr. Freeze.......then feeling a little delirious and light-headed we headed for water, food, and air-conditioning!

We found it!

Then some water rides......

Still going strong.......

Then Aunt Suzie started to fade......nausea....apathy.....wandering.....yeah, it was time to head home......but we made it til about 3:00pm so I thought that was a good effort for both of us!!!

It was great, good to know I still like and can enjoy rollercoasters even with a 36 year old stomach instead of an 18 year old stomach!

MORE PICTURES FROM OUR NIECE'S VISIT

2011-10-22T21:16:00.002-04:00

This first picture looks somber, but these are their "concentrating faces" as Alethia would say. (Whenever I accuse Alethia of pouting she tells me it was just her "concentrating face"....maybe that's because a pouting face lands you in time-out!)

Our niece is good with technology, so she fixed our Wii which I couldn't get to work for months! Yeah, it took her about 5 minutes! YAY!!

Good cuddle time with Alethia!

And with Caleb....

And why not try on a fun hat! I love her smile! She's such a gift to us!

BREAKFAST WITH NANA

2011-10-22T21:07:00.002-04:00

This is the type of fun pancake you get when Nana visits. (You don't want to see my attempt at creating such a simple looking pancake.....the kids don't even ask me to try anymore!!)

See how much fun it is??!!

But the real fun starts when the eating is over......doing dishes! Now that's some serious fun! You think I'm kidding but if you ask the kids they'd tell you it's the best part!

It's gets a little wet, but it's worth the joy!

FUN AT THE AQUARIUM

2011-10-22T20:52:00.002-04:00

Another great spot to escape the heat is the Dallas Aquarium! We are so blessed to have grandparents who love to buy us family passes to all these great places to enjoy while we're here in Dallas! Again, truly a blessed family. It's amazing how many gifts we are given. I never want to take it for granted or take the people giving them for granted.

The kids have slowly warmed up to the sting-ray tank at the aquarium. Caleb has touched the stingrays once, maybe twice.....Alethia still likes to look from a distance though!

The kids have definitely learned that when you go to the aquarium with Mommy you don't get to go in the gift shop.....BUT when you go with Nana you ALWAYS go in the gift shop.....or at least you ask her if you can! On this trip they got their souvenirs (did I spell that right? Doesn't look right....Hmm, no spell check on blogs....oh well, it's the best I can do)

This is my favorite - the alligator snapping turtle.....273 pounds and holds it's breath for something crazy like an hour before it comes up for air!

It's just fun to see all the individual types of fish that God created. I mean seriously, did He have to create this many?? But He did....probably just for fun......just to show us how amazingly creative He is!

The grande finale......is that not the biggest stingray ever!!??!! Caleb loves him! He even looks like he's smiling so that makes it even more fun!

FUN AT THE AQUARIUM

2011-10-22T20:52:00.000-04:00

DALLAS SCIENCE MUSEUM

2011-10-22T20:40:00.002-04:00

In search of indoor activities this summer, we headed to the museum.......nothing like an indoor sandbox!!!

And no trip to the museum is complete without the display that explains how vomit starts in the brain and as you read at the end you get to push a button and watch the profile of the person vomit.....EXCELLENT! This whole section actually IS my favorite part I must admit........you learn how fast you sneeze, all about allergens and the allergic reaction, digestion, how many minutes you need to exercise to burn off various meals, and how heavy your skin is! FUN!!!

And of course there is the physics section......this was Caleb's favorite, the ping pong ball that floats above the cone!

Yes, it looks like Mommy's eyes have watched a little too many ping pong balls at this point - but I love it, truly! This is the good stuff of being a Mommy!

The curiosity of a child.....wondering what's next!

FUN WITH NANA

2011-10-22T18:58:00.003-04:00

A summer picnic with Nana under our biggest tree on campus.....

A picnic is not complete without looking for the biggest stick you can find!

And a yummy peanut butter and jelly sandwich.....

And cheese curls since Mommy never buys them!!! Nana always brings the fun snacks!!

FREE SWIM LESSONS

2011-10-22T18:40:00.002-04:00

I am very aware that we are an extremely blessed family. The Lord brings amazing people into our lives. One of these amazing people is Ashley. She was our nanny when we first returned to Dallas from England last summer. She only watched the kids for about 2 months but she has been such a blessing ever since then. Even though she watched them for such a short period of time, both she and her husband have watched the kids many times since and have made themselves so available to us to help as much as possible. What a gift!

Another gift of Ashley's is that she is a great swim instructor!!! This worked perfectly for us since we have 2 four year olds who don't know how to swim! She gave them lessons on Saturdays for several weeks this summer, and even though we couldn't keep up the schedule and the kids weren't able to fully learn how to swim, they definitely loved their time with her and got down some of the basics for being in the pool!

Ashley had special "boy" tricks for Caleb and "girl" games for Alethia.....it was right up their alley!!

Caleb kicked his "wooden legs"!

Both kids love Ashley sooo much and so do we!!!

ONE OF OUR FAVORITE VISITORS!

2011-10-18T21:19:00.001-04:00

I'm a little behind in my posts, but better late than never! In July we had one of our favorite visitors come for an entire week! Our niece! We had sooo much fun! It was over 105 degrees of course, and since she is from upstate New York and not quite used to this kind of heat I was concerned about doing too many outdoor activities. But she loved the heat, so we went all out!

First stop on the Dallas tour was the zoo! As you can see, she got to know the birds who reside there very well! It was a blast!

The kids LOVED showing her all the animals and all of their favorite stops along the way!

And she was a GREAT cousin to the twins!

Chris especially loved his chats and getting to spend so much time with her.....such a special, special visit!!

TEXAS SWIMMING

2011-09-01T22:02:00.002-04:00

We are so spoiled to have a pool in our backyard that we can use....especially in the TEXAS HEAT! It's been such a long, hot summer that I honestly have mostly stopped taking the kids to the pool because it wipes me out for the rest of the day! But every now and then the past few weeks we've gone swimming and thoroughly enjoyed it!

They are both still using their floaties (innertubes).....we started swim lessons at the beginning of the summer but missed a lot of days with T ball and other events, maybe next summer!

I'm just thankful to be so spoiled as to stay home with the kids and spend relaxing days at the pool! what a gift!

CONSIDER

2011-08-26T21:03:00.005-04:00

Consider the work of God,

For who is able to straighten what He has bent?

In the day of prosperity be joyful,

But in the day of adversity consider -

God has made the one as well as the other
So that man will not discover what the future holds. Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

I've been reading Ecclesiastes and I came to these verses the other day......they give me so much comfort, they really do. But they are also hard to swallow and hard to understand. Before I met Chris and before I had experienced disappointments and sicknesses and painful experiences in life these verses would have seemed to me to be a slap in the face.....why would God make days of adversity in our lives? That doesn't seem very loving?

But the older I get, the more I see the pain people experience in this life - death of loved ones, unexpected terminal diseases, abuse as children and trying to sort it out when you become an adult, marriages filled with apathy rather than love, sudden and complete loss of money and jobs, etc. I look at the experiences of others and I look at the things Chris and I have experienced - chronic urinary tract infections that cause tremendous amounts of pain with only a handful of days between infections, severe allergies that cause him to stop breathing occasionally at night and wake up suddenly gasping for air, pressure sores, weakness from paralysis and the pain of being ostracized by society, daily pain in the only muscles in his body that work - pain in the wheelchair and pain in the bed. These are just the daily struggles he experiences.......

But can I share what it's like as a spouse to watch the man you love experience these things???

Sometimes I feel sad, just sad for him and for what he experiences - the physical pain and the emotional pain of feeling like an outcast, feeling like everyone's charity case, feeling like he's a nuisance or burden on friends because he has so many needs that the average person doesn't have. Sometimes I feel angry - angry at people, angry at doctors, angry at nurses, angry at the injustice of how he is treated and looked down upon, angry at Chris for not being healthy and feeling good (not that he has control over it, but it's how I feel sometimes and I'm just being honest - it's irrational but it's honest!). Sometimes I feel indifferent - when it gets too intense, too hectic, when I'm too tired, when I realize the lack of control that I truly have over making the situation better - I shut down emotionally and am more like a robot going through the motions of what tasks need to be accomplished but there's not love or compassion exuding out of me or out of my actions.

But overall, when it really comes down to it, I feel my heart break and yet I know that this is our path to walk together. We walk it together when we have energy and when we don't. We walk it together when we have compassion and understanding for each other's side of the situation and when we don't. We walk it toegher when we're weary and when we're focused, when we're crying and when we're motivated......this is our journey to walk together.

So it is when I realize this that the verses above give me tremendous comfort. For my God, the God who I worship is in control of it all. He makes the days of prosperity and the days of adversity. And so when Chris and I walk this journey of life together we walk it with our God - and He is the one who provides the energy, the motivation, the focus, and the drive to endure and hopefully to endure well.

I love my husband and I love my God. I'm so thankful that I have a God who walks with me through every experience in my life and that He will use EVERY single experience of pain and of joy and everything in between to make me more like Jesus. For Jesus endured much, much more than I every have and that I ever will.

In fear and trepidation I come before my God and ask Him to use the pain in our lives to produce Jesus' character within me.......for the depth of Jesus' willpower and focus to do God's will and to suffer well I will never fully grasp........

......Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him (eternity and the salvation of the world) endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grown weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2-3

This verse was the end of the original blog that I wrote, however, 5 minutes after writing this I got a call from Chris and he said that He got results back from a bladder test that said he has a very resistant bacterial infection......it's a bacteria that he has had before but it took a long time and a lot of antibiotics to fully kill it in the past. And it's one that makes him feel even more like garbage than the "normal" ones.

So Lord, I thank you for showing me these truths about You and reminding me that You have made today and today's news just as much as you made our wedding day and the joys that we felt on that day. Thank you for being ever-present with me and with Chris as we face this challenge and this pain. Do with this experience what You will.

BEST QUOTES RECENTLY

2011-08-02T23:59:00.006-04:00

Let me begin by saying that I LOVE the age of 4!!!

Yes, it's true I have said that about every age so far, but it's really just fun!

Anyhoo, let me continue with the quotes (apparently we've been very "health" focused in the Skinner house recently):

When Caleb asked Alethia to stand by the couch and watch/protect his cars for him while he ran to the next room she said, "But Mommy, it's not good for little girls to just stand still! I HAVE to move because my body needs exercise and it's not healthy for me to just stand here watching his cars!"

She does make a good point!

While playing Boxing on the Wii, Caleb was losing and so he paused the game, turned to me, and said, "Mommy I need some protein to build my muscles. Can I have a peanut butter pop?"

He IS right.....protein DOES build muscle!!

When I asked Caleb to lie down quietly in his naptime he said, "Well my body IS tired, but it still wants me to wiggle."

Now that's just cute! And yes, I did laugh out loud with each of these quotes.....I'm not so good at holding it all in for the sake of being a good parent! No, I just giggle, plain and simple!

THE TIME IS NOW

2011-08-02T23:43:00.003-04:00

So I've been reading Ecclesiastes in my bible recently and my take home message is this:

ENJOY TODAY......ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE THAT HAS EVEN AND OUNCDE OF JOY IN IT.......THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING, EVERY HURT AND EVERY JOY........SO TAKE THE JOY WHEN IT'S GIVEN.......EMBRACE EVERY DAY......SPEND YOUR TIME LOVING WHAT YOU DO..........AND ABOVE ALL ELSE REVERENTLY FEAR THE LORD FOR HE ALONE IS THE SOURCE OF JOY!

Ahhh, what a wonderful reminder to enjoy today and let tomorrow worry about itself!

So simply, so freeing.

And seriously, is there any reason to NOT enjoy today when this is what I see all day:

I love them all!!!!

Thank you Lord for these moments of joy!

Ah, what a refreshing reminder to embrace what God has for me TODAY and to let tomorrow worry about itself! Thank you Lord!

So simple......so freeing......I love it and I love You, Lord!

And really, what's not to be joyful about:

105+ DEGREES

2011-07-04T22:06:00.004-04:00

Nothing can prepare you for the heat of Dallas, Texas summers, especially when you sit on a field with no shade for over an hour. Chris' quadriplegia has taken away his ability to regulate his body temperature. He cannot sweat below his shoulders and he cannot shiver. So he functions kind of like a coldblooded animal. Although we've been in Dallas almost 2 years this is our first full summer living here in the daily 105+ degrees. It's something, let me tell you!

Being the Assistant Coach for Caleb's T ball team raised the stakes for Chris. It meant every practice and every game he needed to be out on the field for over an hour twice per week. After the first few practices and games the thought occurred to me that I should probably know the signs and symptoms of heat exhaustion and heat stroke so that if Chris experienced these I'd know to go to the ER. After one afternoon game we came home and I put ice packs all over Chris, we cranked the AC, and after 30 minutes I took his temperature and it was 101 degrees! His normal temperature is 96.8 (no, that's not a typo it reall is 96.8 rather than 98.6). We figured we needed a better plan to survive the last 1/2 of the season!

Our plan involved many ice packs, water, and spray bottles. Before getting out of the car we put a large ice packs behind Chris' back, under his shirt on his abdomen, and under his knees. He's always used a spray bottle of water in the summer, so we continued that and he drank and drank and drank water. And.....it really did help! Of course he was hot and exhausted and needed to lay down in the AC after each practice and game but he didn't feel AS bad as before and I don't think his temperature ever got to 101 again. So, another lesson learned in living with and surviving quadriplegia! See, we can do the fun things in life, we just have to plan a little more!

Alethia was a trooper this T ball season as well. It's kinda tough to go to every game and sit to watch your brother play when it's this hot outside. So she usually had her own water park party as a spectator......it kept her happy, so we were happy too!!!

I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF

2011-07-04T15:48:00.003-04:00

I know, I've already posted a lot of T ball "action shots". And I've even posted the end of the season trophy pictures, but I just found these pictures of Caleb's last game and I just can't help but post them as well........after all, he is my Bubba!!! (I know, I shouldn't admit to calling him Bubba since somehow in our society that drastically drops his IQ according to stereotypes, but he has been my "Bubba" since he was born....and he always will be.....Chris even bought me a sweatshirt that says, "I love Bubba", so that makes it official!)

I had so much fun watching Caleb enjoy T ball......he really loved it.....well, as long as he was getting the ball or running. But I can honestly say that Chris' tactics paid off and Caleb was able to play the entire last game without having any "field time outs" from playing for whining or stomping about one of his teammates getting the ball.......he even clapped for his teammates in the last game when they got the ball and he didn't - now THAT'S progress - good job Coach Chris!

Chris can't help himself.....he never could stay on 1st base for long.....and Caleb's on his way to learning how to steal bases!

Seriously, look how much fun he's having!

My own little number 7!

T BALL TROPHY!!!

2011-07-04T01:22:00.002-04:00

We did it!!! Caleb and Coach Chris finished their first sports season - YMCA T Ball!
They had their pizza and pool party last week and the trophies were received! Coach Chris picked out the trophies and I must admit he did a very good job. I didn't even know they made T ball trophies! Caleb's trophy now sits proudly on his dresser right next to his bed to that every night he can look at it before he goes to bed.

He had to show it to Daddy first, of course.....he loves his Daddy!

And the best part for me was when he immediately turned to Alethia and let her hold it and look at it right after he got it back from Daddy! He said, "I have to share it with Lae Lae, she'll love it!"
He's such a sweet brother!

He also got a medal with the trophy, so that was extra fun!!!

MY HUSBAND IS MY HERO

2011-06-29T23:15:00.004-04:00

I have a t-shirt with this saying, "My husband is my hero." Cute isn't it? These past few weeks it has been a very true thought in my heart and my mind as I have watched how he has chosen to prioritize his time.

Chris has been feeling really sick and fatigued with increased pain for a while now. He kept mentioning it from time to time but continued to do all his schoolwork (he's taking 2 classes this summer) and played with the kids and I whenever we asked (even sometimes when we didn't ask....he could just tell that we needed him!). Well he finally decided to go to the ER and found out that he has a very resistant urinary tract infection. (He went to the ER by himself because I was at work and he didn't want to bother me or any friends.) The doctors had to admit him to the hospital for several days to get rest and many doses of an IV antibiotic before they felt comfortable sending him home with a PICC line to continue the medication at a slower pace. (an IV line that runs from your arm to your heart. It's what they feel more comfortable sending people home from the hospital with when they need continued treatment.).

He was discharged from the hospital on Monday and we both boarded a plane a few days later for him to go to a speaking engagement in Virginia. He's cancelled a few speaking engagements in the past for sicknesses or pain but there was something different about this one. He just really had a strong desire to go and kept saying that no matter how bad he felt he was going (That's his Skinner determination and fighting spirit that I fell in love with!).

We made it to Lynchburg and spent the day with his dad and some friends and he spoke that night to a group of high school boys from across the state of Virginia. Now, when Chris speaks it's always good and people are always challenged and inspired. However on this night it was different. We had been praying that God would go before us and prepare the students' and administrators' hearts to be changed by Him as a result of this speaking. Chris shifted the focus on his talk a bit as he progressed through the message and at the end they opened up the microphones for students and counselors to ask questions. It was amazing! The students began confessing things that they've done in the past, things that they currently have been doing that they want to change, situations that they've been in where they could/should have been injured like Chris but weren't, etc. They were all so incredibly vulnerable and humble and I was so amazed by their honesty and the maturity that they had to face the mistakes that they've made and make changes. They were not only willing to share their mistakes, they wanted to pursue the dreams, hopes, and ambitions that are now burning in their hearts.

This to me is the trait of a strong man. This is one of the main traits that Chris possesses that caused me to fall completely in love with him 8 years ago. Honesty. Honesty about faults, honesty about fears, honesty about mistakes, honesty about dreams, honesty about hopes, honesty about himself. And the more I read the bible the more I really believe that what God wants more than anything from us is our honesty and our confession that we need him. I'm not writing this post to tell you how amazing Chris is or to make you think their either one of us are people to admire. I'm writing this to share with you what God has been teaching me over and over and over in the past few years. He wants us to admit that we're wrong, that we've made mistakes and continue to make them repetitively. He wants us to be strong enough to say that we're wrong and ask for help.....to tell Him we need Him and that we aren't able to live life on our own without self-destructing.

Through my husband and these young men God has spoken to my heart again and encouraged me to seek His face, His heart, His wisdom, and His will. Thank you Lord for Your overwhelming presence and activity in my life. I need You and love You.

DALLAS MAVERICKS VICTORY PARADE

2011-06-20T01:03:00.002-04:00

Sometimes you just have to seize life's opportunities even when they aren't practical! We braved the crowd of 250,000 Dallas Maverick fans and the 105 degrees (truly) to attend the NBA Finals Victory Parade......and it was great! Caleb and Alethia got to see tons of people, wave flags and banners, and see the top of Dirk Nowiski's head through the trees - totally worth it, right?? It was just a fun, frivolous time of heat exhaustion and dehydration......and I'd do it again tomorrow. Sometimes we all just need a little lighthearted team spirit!

HOMEMADE PLAYDOUGH

2011-06-20T00:44:00.002-04:00

So I get really excited at the idea of homemade crafts or projects but I really, trully have NO TALENT in this area. I'm more of a phys. ed. teacher rather than an art teacher. But the other day I got myself organized and decided to follow a recipe for homemade playdough with food coloring.

The kids were so excited to help me make it! Our first batch didn't turn out so well......more like an Elmer's glue consistency (not sure what I did wrong, not surprised either! I'm more of a second or third time kind of craft-doer). The second time we were headed down the "glue consistency" path but I decided to doctor it up - after adding an abundance of extra ingredients we finally created a product close to that of playdough. The kids rejoiced as did I!!! Then they got to work playing for an entire hour with their new creation! Perfect time for Mommy to do housework!

My favorite quote from the event?

Alethia said, "Mommy this was fun. We persevered!"

No doubt these are Chris Skinner's kids!

CHILDREN'S AQUARIUM WITH FRIENDS

2011-06-10T00:54:00.003-04:00

If you've never been to Dallas in the Summer you may not understand the need for INDOOR activity during the day......It's been 100+ degrees for about 2 weeks (or at least it feels that long!). So today, we headed to the new children's aquarium with friends.....a very fun day indeed!

We got to watch the shark tank, pet sting-rays and horseshoe crabs, and see some extremely exotic or rare animals!

Caleb loved the shark tank the most I think! (Either that or he was too tired from walking to get back up after finding a comfortable seat!)

We found some cool rocks and paths to climb on our way into the aquarium!

Here are the faithful friends!!! Some of Caleb and Alethia's closest friends since we moved to Dallas!! (it's taken 2 years to get such an awesome picture like this of all four kids!)

T BALL FUN

2011-06-10T00:41:00.002-04:00

Ithink Caleb's having fun this season! He has a hard time letting his teammates get the ball however, he just wants to run for it everytime it's hit!! He's learning not to whine, complain, or stomp his feet everytime one of his teammates gets the ball first.....it's a work in progress, but he did have his first "time out" where Daddy made him sit out of bounds for one batter when he whined and stomped.....but it worked....no more whining the rest of the game! Yay Daddy!!!

Yeah, I'd sat he's having fun!!! What's fun for me is to hear Chris' mom's stories about Chris playing at this age and to hear that he was the exact same way. What a gift!

We just had our 3rd game of the season and Caleb's team was short players so Alethia got to play. The best part for me was watching both of them.....Caleb and his DESIRE for the ball with every hit......Alethia with a bit of indifference as she sat down in the outfield and drew in the dirt! They both make me smile so much!!!!

MORE T BALL

2011-06-02T01:44:00.002-04:00

More pictures from the field.....

Coach Chris/Coach Daddy was 1st base coach.....

Ladies and gentlemen.....now batting.....#7 Caleb Skinner!

Caleb hits his first double!!! (Actually he hit it to the pitcher's mound but the pitcher, 1st baseman, catcher, and short stop all ran to it and were fighting over it so 1st base coach, aka Daddy, sent him to 2nd!! Chris never could stay on first long before he stole a base so he's starting Caleb early!).

Daddy coached Caleb about playing second base (he played 1st, 2nd, and was on the pitcher's mound during this game)

THE BIG DAY....CALEB'S FIRST T BALL GAME!

2011-06-02T01:34:00.002-04:00

Daddy and Caleb headed to the field!!

Caleb got his jersey.....#7 just like his Daddy always was!!

Practice throws.....

Practice swings at the fence....Daddy's drill before the game.

He looks warmed up to me!

THESE LEGOS ARE FOR DADDY!

2011-06-02T01:31:00.001-04:00

More morning Legos.......Caleb's are for Daddy and Alethia's are for Mommy!

Thanks guys!!

FIRST T BALL PRACTICE WITH COACH CHRIS

2011-06-02T01:19:00.002-04:00

Chris is Caleb's assistant coach for T ball this year....his first year! We headed to the field and Coach Mike had the kids hitting and running....Caleb LOVED it! And that is an understatement!

It was a hot day, but we were prepared!

Since practice is at a park Alethia had fun too!

Can't wait til the first game!

MORE FUN AT THE ZOO

2011-06-02T01:11:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, how many pictures of the zoo can one blog have? But we do love to go!

Still having fun with Nana!

Caleb loves his Daddy and doesn't want to be with anyone else!

And Alethia is excited as always.....sweet little girl!

The carousel is practically the best part!!

NEW TOYS IN OUR NEW COURTYARD!

2011-06-02T01:03:00.002-04:00

When our courtyard reopened after the construction they bought all new toys for the families in our building! The kids love it and so do we! They get to play outside in a gated area with their friends and the riding toys!! What's not to love!

Caleb's favorite bike.....he rides this one everyday!

And of course we love our pools!

Can't go wrong with fun towels, floaties, and swimsuits!

PARTIES ON CAMPUS

2011-06-02T00:51:00.002-04:00

Once a year the school brings ponies, a petting zoo, and big bounce houses to campus for the families to enjoy......this year the kids were more brave than last year! Mommy didn't even need to walk alongside during the pony rides!

Caleb loved it as he waved everytime he passed by Chris and I!

Nothing like riding in circles!!! The thrill of it all!

Alethia isn't much for petting but she does like to get close and watch the animals!

Unfortunately after the animals Caleb went on the bouncehouse and dislocated his elbow!!! Can you believe it?? We walked to the ER, got an X-ray, and the doctor calmly walked in, straightened his elbow, bent it quickly, and that was that! Caleb INSTANTLY felt better, stopped crying, and even waved good-bye to his doctor with the same arm. It was crazy! But I'm SOOO thankful that it was such and easy fix!

PARTIES ON CAMPUS

2011-06-02T00:51:00.000-04:00

NANA VISITS AGAIN

2011-06-02T00:35:00.002-04:00

The kids sure do love it when family is in town. Nana came for 1 1/2 weeks this time and we loved every minute! Our first day we took a walk to Starbucks for the 1/2 price sale on frapuccinos - a family favorite!

Caleb's gratitude for Nana buying him a strawberry and cream frap!

We all love being close to Starbucks and having another fun family afternoon there!

CALEB'S FIRST REAL TEE

2011-06-02T00:26:00.002-04:00

The big day arrived.....one week before T Ball started Caleb got to go to the store and get his first Tee!!!! Unfortunately he made some bad choices and had to face some sad consequences. I can't remember what he did but it most likely involved some foot stomping, and some "but Daddy...."'s!

So Alethia got to be the first one to use the Tee with the brand new bat!

She surprised me with how much fun she had.....maybe it was more fun because she knew Caleb wasn't allowed to play and she was!

Caleb faced his consequences by standing behind the fence for 10-15 minutes and cheering for Alethia while she hit the ball and ran the bases......his cheers sounded very genuine once he started!

Because he cheered well and didn't complain he was allowed to swing the bat one time! He had to make it a good one and he did.....it went to left field!

The happy players after practice!

ALETHIA'S SPUNK

2011-06-02T00:18:00.002-04:00

There are some mornings that Alethia just wakes up with some spunk. All of us love those mornings.

On this morning she decided to dress like Daddy so she looked for a surf shirt of Caleb's, got her long sleeves and a beanie and climbed up for some hugs.

Her joy is contagious so of course Caleb had to have a Daddy shirt too.....so he got his surf hoodie to be like Daddy!

Nothing like a Daddy who loves you and loves your spunk!

Daddy's girl forever....

These times are priceless and I want to hold on to them and remember the sweetness of it all forever!

THANKS FOR VISITING!!!

2011-06-02T00:13:00.001-04:00

We love your visits Momo and Papa.....we ALL do!

Thanks for loving us and giving so much of yourselves to us!

I think it's safe to say Alethia has Papa wrapped around her finger!

MOMO AND PAPA VISIT FOR EASTER

2011-06-02T00:04:00.002-04:00

Momo and Papa came for easter weekend.....always fun!!! They hardly made it in the door before they were unloading fun little gifts!

The first full day they went with Chris and the kids to our campus easter egg hunt......over 700 eggs gone in 4 minutes!! What fun!

Nothing like easter egg poses.....

You can see where Chris gets his good looks!

The kids sure do love their Momo!

Lots of fun in the sun!

FUN GLASSES

2011-06-01T23:58:00.001-04:00

I know the pictures are fuzzy, but these glasses were too fun to not share! Momo and Papa came to visit and brought the best glasses!

The lights on the glasses had all kinds of different patterns which made them that much better!

So fun......

They loved to stare at each other!

STUDY BREAKS

2011-06-01T23:32:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite things that Chris does is come home early from studying and say, "Let's go to the park!!"

We jump into the car and head to White Rock Lake to play on the playground and feed the ducks! There's nothing better....

The funny thing is that Chris actually does study while we're there....not sure how he does it but he does!

I think Alethia likes it too.....

And maybe Caleb too....

But definitely the ducks and the turtles do!

There are actually more turtles than ducks in the lake.....I've never seen anything like it!

STUDYING???

2011-06-01T23:29:00.002-04:00

So this is how Chris does his on-line classes now that it's baseball season........pay close attention to the computer screen........baseball on the left and lectures on the right.......

It's just what you have to do when you're a Red Sox fan.....the team needs him!

BUSY MORNINGS

2011-06-01T23:16:00.002-04:00

Having twins is an interesting things when it comes to schedules and waking up and falling asleep. I guess it's like this with every group of siblings who share a room.....

Caleb is our nights owl AND our early bird......basically he just doesn't need as much sleep as Alethia especially considering that he doesn't sleep during most naps and she always does!

Anyway, he wakes up early every morning. We have an alarm clock that we've set to 7:45 am and the kids aren't allowed to come out of their room in the morning until it beeps (except for pottytime of course!). So every morning Caleb wakes up first, goes to the bathroom, and asks if he can have legos and blocks (our rule is that they're allowed to be awake and play before the alarm, they just can't come out of the room.....it's a great way to get a little extra time in the morning before we focus on being Mommy and Daddy). Once the blocks are down he's in business! He quickly wakes up Alethia and then they build until their alarm beeps....it's a wonderful thing!

Here are their recent creations..........Alethia's town.....

And Caleb's train.....

It'll be a sad day when they don't want to build anymore.....hopefully not til the distant future!

SIMPLICITY OF BEING FOUR

2011-06-01T21:40:00.001-04:00

Sometimes it just fun to climb a tree and play in dirt......when does that stop exactly??

ON THE ROAD AGAIN.....WHEELCHAIRS ALWAYS MAKE IT INTERESTING!

2011-05-31T00:30:00.002-04:00

Just when we think Chris' speaking requests have slowed down, they pick back up at the exact time that we need them! Chris spoke at the University of Wisconsin Plattville and at a nearby high school in April. Since I only work on the weekends now I'm able to travel with him, which is such a fun treat.....it's been 6 years since I've been able to do that - thank you Lord for such a gift!!

We left our 80 degree weather and thought we were headed to 30 degrees, but that turned out to only be the temperature at night.....they had a heat wave so it was actually in the 60's the entire time we were there - yet another gift from God.

Now, when it comes to traveling, both Chris and I have come to expect bumps in the road so to speak. It just comes with the territory. Even if it's a local speaking engagement 10 minutes from our home we know to expect the unexpected - little gliches that keep us on our toes and keep our attitudes in check. So this trip was par for the course.

Three days before we left for Wisconsin Chris' wheelchair charger broke. Since it's battery powered, this presents a problem. We ordered a new one but it would take a few weeks. After a few days I remembered and was able to locate a back-up charger that we had hiding in our closet - perfect! So we packed our bags and our back-up charger and away we went! We got to the hotel very late (I can't even remember when but it was after midnight for sure), unpacked our bags in a daze, and collapsed into bed!

Considering Chris was speaking at 1:00 and 7:00 the next day it was quite disappointing to wake up the day of the speaking to a dead wheelchair. Our back-up charger didn't work!! It worked at home the day before of course! So fortunately we had our computer and the internet. We had several hours in the morning to solve this dilemma which turned out to be exactly the right amount of time! After probably 15 phone calls I was directed to a gentleman in Iowa (who knew we were so close!) who owns a wheelchair company. In 11 years of being paralyzed Chris has never had a wheelchair vendor allow him to borrow a charger outside of their office. At this point we only had about an hour before we had to leave for the speaking engagement so we had to get a charger, use the time before the speaking to charge it, then be able to charge again afterwards to have enough juice for the nighttime engagement. Before I was able to tell any of these details, the gentlman on the other end of the phone offered to let us borrow his charger and then just leave it at the front desk of the hotel when we finished using it!

Unbelievable!

15 minutes later there was a knock at the door and there was the charger!! The funniest part of the whole ordeal is that the gentleman is the exact spitting image of Chris' dad. Seriously.....he had the beard, hair, hat, glasses, body, stance, and smile.....it was almost eery......he even walked exactly like Wayne does!!!! We had a nice visit with him and were off for the day!

The first high school was having a lot of activities that day to address drinking, drugs, tobacco, and wreckless decisions. Chris' presentation was scheduled to be the grand finale of the day.

It's amazing how God knows exactly what Chris and I need as well as what the students and staff at different schools need - even if they're in an entirely different area of the country! I love to watch Chris on stage and listen to him while the kids laugh and begin to like him, begin to be entertained, begin to relate to him......and then BAM! Before you know it the ICU pictures are on the screen and the kids are crying. It's real life. Unfortunately a lot of people have similar stories to Chris.....but the hope is that the people who hear him speak won't be one of those stories. That is Chris' prayer and my prayer when he speaks.....and it's all we can do - to pray. God is the only One who knows what words will make an impact in another person's life enough to turn them around and steer them in a different direction. Let's pray that's what happened this day.

That night at the University Chris spoke to the fraternities and sororities - one of his favorite types of audiences!

I love you sweetheart!

FEELING LOVED

2011-05-31T00:14:00.004-04:00

I felt so loved when Tammy and Charles visited us. They were so thoughtful in everything that they did. Unfortunately I had to work some of the time they were here, but they did so much to help us with the everyday tasks of life. They cleaned, they cooked, they did dishes, they did laundry, they played with our kids, they brought presents that were very specific and well-thought-out for both Caleb and Alethia.......I think the word that sums up their trip to me is THOUGHTFUL. I feel like everything that Tammy did the entire trip was intentionally to show me love and support and encouragement. She thought of everything and that means so much to me. I feel extra loved when I can see that someone is doing things on purpose to help me or to allow me to sit and relax with everyone - it means the world to me and that's exactly what Tammy did. She took care of every detail and for that I am so grateful.

Alethia loves her Aunt TeeTee! (yeah, so apparently "teetee" is what a lot of little kids call using the potty! I had no idea so I thought it was cute when they were 1 year old and started calling Tammy "Aunt TeeTee". The name has stuck and so she'll forever be Aunt TeeTee now!!! Sorry Tammy! Thanks for being a good sport!!)

Tammy and Charles chose this weekend in particular to visit for 2 reasons. It was Caleb and Alethia's birthday and they wanted to be here to celebrate....which made it the best birthday ever! And, Chris and I were leaving for 3 days for a speaking trip so they came to take care of the kids while we were gone. Tammy said she really wanted to have some alone time with Caleb and Alethia where she didn't have to share them with grandparents.....again, that just warms my heart to know that she really wants to have a close relationship with them individually! It means a lot and I'm so grateful!

So thank you for a wonderful visit!!!!

We love and appreciate both of you, Tammy and Charles!

TO THE ZOO!!!!

2011-05-31T00:03:00.003-04:00

We're off to the zoo!!!! If you can't tell by now, we have a membership to the Dallas Zoo and go there everytime someone comes into town!!! (in addition to all the other times.....we love it there!)
We couldn't let Tammy, Charles, Blake, and Brody leave without seeing our favorite place!!!

Even though we're four, the stroller still comes in handy!

Uncle Chris and Blake were our mapguides for the day!

Everyone's looking at the giraffes, ostriches, zebras, and impalas......all in the same place!

Alethia and Brody were the two who really loved the stroller!

We just love our cousins/nephews and couldn't wait to bring them here!

DAY 2 OF OUR COUSIN VISIT

2011-05-30T23:56:00.001-04:00

Big breakfast, church, picnic, playing.......what a fun day!!!

Blake read Caleb's bible story to him before bedtime.....Caleb wanted more and more stories. He could've sat there all night with Blake I think!

Alethia and Blake played together a lot. She just loves her cousin!!! They look a lot alike too, don't you think??

Count of Uncle Charles for some fun times too!!!

WHEN COUSINS COME TO TOWN

2011-05-30T23:44:00.001-04:00

For Caleb and Alethia's birthday weekend Chris' sister Tammy and her family came to town. It was an amazing gift to me because they had to take off work and fly with two kids all the way to Dallas and chose to stay 5 days! All of us had a blast!

Their first night here.....Brody (only 10 months younger than Caleb and Alethia)

Cousin Blake always knows how to fix things! Caleb constantly asks Blake for help with whatever it is he is working on. This night he was building his car tracks and Blake was the expert!

Caleb and Brody played with the new camera that Caleb got from Momo and Papa for his birthday. It's so fun!!

And of course the kids got to cuddle up for a movie! One of their favorite things to do together!

Uncle Charles makes everything fun!!

We loved the first night of our visit!! Thanks for coming Aunt Tammy!!