This is an interesting time in my life. I am settled in so many ways. It's true that Chris continues to battle with all things physical - infections, allergies, paralysis, skin issues, other organ/system issues - yet I've gotten used to it. (I don't mean that in an insensitive way, but I've come to know and face these various trials regularly and so it's not as new and scary and overwhelming for me, at least not usually).
The kids are now 2 1/2 and so I've gotten used to the adjustment from having no children to having two toddlers - two children whining, two children hungry, two children needing diapers, two, two, two. Again, I'm used to the routine.
I've been working since the kids were 6 months old and have gotten used to how that works as well - juggling preparations and the daily tasks of life for Chris, the kids, and myself.
There's something......I can't put my finger on it.......but I battle with being different......living a life that's different and knowing that most of the people that I meet have no idea what my life really looks like, how could they?? They don't know the specific challenges I face, the emotional battle at different times, the physical battle at times, the spiritual battle to keep the right perspective....life is a battle, isn't it? I mean isn't it true that just when you think you have your life figured out, something changes?? Nothing has changed in my own circumstances, but there's a depth that I'm longing for.....a depth of experience with God that I seek......is this daily life all there is......is it possible to experience some of the powerful things that I read about in the bible or in biographies.......
I just feel like there has to be more.....
The other day I was listening to one of the songs on the new David Crowder Band CD and one phrase caught my attention. Here are my initial thoughts that I wrote down at the time.......
"When I'm suddenly unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory"
Afflictions eclipsed by glory. What does that look like in real life? How does God's glory REALLY eclipse afflictions/challenges/physical pain/mental anguish/mourning/despair? There are a lot of people who go through some pretty horrific experiences, so how in the world can those afflictions truly be eclipsed by the glory of God?? God, what are you saying when you say things like this.....this like Romans 8:18: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared ith the glory that is to be revealed to us."
It has more to do with the glory of God than it has to do with me - not that I don't matter - quite the opposite actually. I matter so much to my Father in Heaven that He desires to know me deeply enough to enable me to experience
His strength over my weakness
His selflessness over my selfishness
His strong arms of love completely covering me/embracing me, sheltering me, protecting me, enabling me to stand......enabling me to stand with arms raised, face lifted high - that I may reflect the magnificent Glory of the God in Heaven who surrounds me.
So when I face afflictions (anything difficult) He wants ME to be the first to see His glory - that's how much I matter to Him. And it's at that point that He is glorified through my life, that my afflictions have been eclipsed by His Glory, His Radiance.
What is the result?? I have the perspective that I need to press on, to take hold of the challenges I face - with one foot in front of the other I move forward by the grace, mercy, glory, and radiance of God.
Oh Lord I need to know this is true and I desperately want to experience this.....I want to experience YOU!