THE SKINNER'S

THE SKINNER'S

Monday, September 14, 2009

So what should I do???

You know, the past 1 1/2 weeks have been challenging for me emotionally. Sometimes reality just slaps you in the face when you live a life of paralysis. Sometimes a slap, sometimes it feels more like a knock-out.....except somehow you're still standing, you're still here on this earth, and life is still moving forward with or without you.

Last week Chris went out of town and all of a sudden, without warning, I just cried over his being paralyzed. Not because of what it does to my world, but because of the pain it causes him. And all at once it was as if I was feeling the immense pain that everyone who faces life with paralysis or some type of disability experiences. It's different, even when it's good, it's still different. I walked outside for the kids to have popsicles and I watched people play volleyball in the pool while their friends and wives sat together socializing and it was all I could do to hold back the tears that immediately rushed to my eyes and my heart. The pain that Chris feels just watching other people enjoy their physical bodies......the pain that other people with disabilities feel when they see it.

And I know, I can look at our lives and KNOW that we are blessed and have been given immense gifts, immense support physically and emotionally.....to be honest Chris and I receive more help and encouragement from our friends and family than any other quadriplegic couple that I know. But it doesn't completely take away the mourning that sometimes grips you without warning.

And so I turn to my God.....the only place that I can turn. And my heart bursts with love for Him, truly bursts. You see, when you TRULY suffer - EVERY day - you have no choice but to worship God. To worship with your whole body, arms up, knees down, standing up, lying down, flat out, raised up - you worship, you worship hard. And you don't stop until the weight of life lifts. Anything else is too hard and too consuming.

9 comments:

  1. Hi Suz

    You are awesome. People need to hear these things. You know that I miss you but I really missed Chris this weekend. At the wedding we shot this Saturday there was a quad there. He looked like he had the same injury as Chris (same area I mean). Same chair as Chris's old chair. Same movement of the arms and hands and that swinging motion that Chris does all the time. I am sure the guy was weirded out because I kept looking at him thinking of Chris and wanting badly to talk with him. But I had no idea what to say to him. "Hey I have a friend that is a quad... and I miss him terribly... can we hug?" Awkward. Then Sunday... no Redskins with you guys... that REALLY bummed me out. I love that you guys are doing what you are supposed to. I hate that you aren't "a block away" anymore.

    love you.

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  2. suzie, in the short time we've known your family you've been an incredible inspiration to us! thank you for reaching out to my family even in the midst of your own pain. YOU truly are a blessing!!

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  3. I just think this whole blog is an inspiration and I too miss you guys so much! But again, I know that God has you right where He wants you - and I give Him Praise. Give hugs to all for me!! June

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  4. Hi Suzie, Cynthia Sawaya here, as I read this post your words reminded me of some passages from Dan Allender's book, "The Healing Path". He says..."Mutual investment in a burden greater than ourselves demands an investment in each other...But true faith remembers. It remembers God's open arms waiting for us. Faith remembers the moments of embrace and the sweetness of reconciliation: As I have been loved, I am called to remain open to you. To open my heart to you is to be ready and willing to come to your aid with all that I have in order to do you good...We are meant to weep together, marvel about each other, and with gratitude, let the sun set...As we make our way to our ultimate home and then cleave together along the way, we will experience moments of soul-transforming worship. Worship weaves our hearts together in wonder, gratitude, and service."

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  5. You are so amazing... you Skinners. Thanks for being open and vulnerable with things that all of us can only imagine. You guys both exude Jesusness in the most amazing ways. How we love and miss you guys.

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  6. I love the optimism, joy and hope that pours out of you, Suzie! You and Chris are such awesome and inspirational people. Hugs!

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  7. Suzie, We miss you guys and pray for God's guidance, strenght & wisdom poured upon you. You & Chris are amazing people.. Were so blessed that God has put you in our paths for alittle while here in Murphy. You should think about writing your own book Suzie. We absorb all that you say and take something from what you say, just like Chris... Love you guys. :} Paula

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  8. Suzie,
    Your writing means so much to so many people. And because of the witness they see in the way you and Chris live your lives, Caleb and Alethia will no doubt become strong, compassionate, dedicated Christians. Much love, MOM

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  9. Suzie,
    I miss you so much and I want you to know that your blog is a blessing and an inspiration to me. Every time I read, I cry and am honestly changed by your words. I love you and truly believe you and Chris are gifts to those who meet you. Katie G.

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