Oh where to begin......how do I put into words the emotions and thoughts of my heart....we are FINALLY here......ready to start invitro again......ready to see what God is going to do with these precious little embryos - OUR precious little frozen embryos.
I guess I need to begin with my views on these babies. First thing first, I do view them as our babies. I believe that God is the creator of all life and that a baby's life begins the moment the egg is fertilized by the sperm and the embryo is formed. So for me, these have always been my babies, waiting for their Mama and Daddy to be able to come back for them and thaw them and give them a chance to grow - a chance for life.
Another belief of mine is that God created these embryos when He didn't need to. So it MUST be His plan for us to go through in vitro fertilization again NOMATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME IS - even if we dont' get pregnant or if we miscarry. You see, when you have frozen embryos you have some options for what you choose to do with them.
#1 You can go through in vitro again and try to get pregnant
#2 You can give them up for adoption and have another couple adopt them and go through in vitro fertilzation with them and try to get pregnant
#3 You can have them discarded - thrown away essentially
When I look at these options the only one that I can do is #1. There is nothing in me and never has been that leans towards either of the other option. Again, for me, I believe that God is the Creator of all life and that He chose to create these babies for a purpose, so my decision has been made for me by Him.......go through in vitro again.
So the dreams begin.....the wondering.......the hoping........the praying intensifies.......
My dream is to have another set of boy girl twins. I've thought that from the first moment that I knew we had them (even before we knew that we were pregnant with Caleb and Alethia). This dream and desire has only intensified over the years. I've prayed for them off and on over the last 4 1/2 years and now the time has come.
Oh Lord, please. Please give us another boy and girl twin. It's all my heart can pray for. When I try to pray for just one it just doesn't feel right.....it's not my heart.......my Mommy heart wants more twins. Please God. I know that only You know what is best for us and what our family needs and what You plan to do in our lives. But I do share with You my desires for these babies that you have given us. Please, please give us another amazing gift, please.
Here we go.......