Monday, September 10, 2012


To have peace or not to have peace.  That is the question.

My mind.  It's such an oscillating place to be.  The thoughts that pass through can change quickly from one extreme to the next and back to the middle in a millisecond.  Am I the only who experiences this?

For example, a few days ago I was riding my elliptical that Chris bought me and my thought process went like this:

What a beautiful day and peaceful time of life
Thank you sooo much Lord for all that you've given me
Why have You given me so much?
I don't deserve it, but I guess none of us do, so I'll take it
So peaceful
So blessed
How long will it last?
What's coming, something must be coming
Is Chris going to live long?
What if it's something with the kids?
Oh Lord please, please, please protect them all
If Chris dies before the kids leave home, what will I do with my time when they move out?
Oh I'm just glad that I have them all now
But it really is a wonderful time right now
I feel like things should be harder
Why do I think that way?
I don't think I should think that way
Ecclesiastes says there's a time for everything
This is just my good time
I wonder what pain awaits me in the future
Don't be silly, just enjoy the present, it's all there is
What a beautiful day

I guess that's why the Lord says that every day has enough worry of it's own and we shouldn't worry about tomorrow, just focus on today.  I really, truly have been so blessed.  I have been given a job here in Virginia that I enjoy and that fits perfectly with the kids' school schedule.  I can drop them off, go to work, finish work, pick them up and head home.  What a gift.  A true and amazing gift.  Lord You've done it again and again, we don't deserve any of it.  But rather than allowing my mind to go towards guilt or the idea that I should be "suffering more", I'm trying to just be thankful and accept it.

I have learned that from Chris....more than anything enjoy the gift of today.  To enjoy the people that I have in my life today.  I'm so thankful.  And I just have to pray and ask God to prepare me for the future, whatever it holds.  In the meantime, I say thank you for today.

Thank you for today.

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