DEEPER

You know, I find myself sometimes in the middle of a life of activities and systems.  I'm living life the way I do because of the culture I'm surrounded by.  I expect certain things because it's "normal", I pay certain bills because "it's just what you do", I go through my day - enjoying the different parts - but with my eyes fixed on activities.

But what I like.....what I love...... is a perspective change.  

"letting go"

 of the 

"normal expectations" 

and "fixing my mind" on 

Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

My thought tonight......my goal tonight.......is to once again ask the Lord to use every situation in my day - 

the pleasure

the pain

the annoying

the quick

the long lasting

to lead to me to deeper understanding of Himself, a deeper understanding of what I have put my faith in, - Jesus.

May every situation draw me closer to Him in every aspect of my being.

I was talking to Alethia tonight about joining the ballet company.  She LOVES dance and really wants to do it.  She has shown Chris and I responsibility, good grades, a sweet disposition and attitude, flexibility when things don't go her way.  She has practiced hard and listened to all of her teachers well - at school, in piano, and in dance.   We have decided to let her try, let her audition.  And there's the part of me that wants her to have everything that her heart desires.  I want to withhold nothing from her.  Nothing.  But what an opportunity for her to practice trusting the Lord.

We can't afford to do the dance company.  Alethia knows this.  We have told her.  And so she knows that if she auditions and gets selected, it will only be by God's provision that she will be able to do it each month.  Chris and I have talked to her about this and I'm so thankful for her to have this opportunity.  This is a situation in which she can challenge herself to pray.  To really pray hard.  To pray for her hearts desire, but also to ask the Lord what HE desires for her right now; what HE wants her to spend her time doing.  What an opportunity to allow the Lord to grow her heart - NO MATTER WHAT HIS ANSWER IS.

I do NOT like that His answer has been NO to my desires in the past.  I have 7 children that were embryos, at least 7 days old, and none of them came to live with me on earth.  I watch my husband, my best friend, struggle and fight to live in a body that does not do what he wants it to do all day, every day.  Yet, I have enjoyed the amazing abudance of HIS love and provision in giving me a husband who really adores me, who will do ANYthing for me.  I have the most amazing children a Mother could hope for.  I have a job that I love to do and coworkers and patients that I enjoy every day.  He has chosen to give me so much and HE has chosen to say no at times.  So my prayer for Alethia right now is that the Lord will bring her HIS peace in her heart no matter HOW HE chooses to lead her - whether He thinks it's best to provide finances to DO company or whether He says NO to company right now and does not provide the finances or ability.  May this experience and EVERY experience (large or small) deepen her faith in You, Lord.   May you use it to show her more of Your character, more of Your ways, and more of Your plans for her life.  

Deepen our child's faith and foundation in You Lord Jesus.  Open her eyes to see Your provision in Her life - whether or not she likes Your plan right now.  You see what she does not.  Remind her of this.    

I love You, Lord Jesus.